Note: This piece is not at all serious. Don’t take it as such, and you’ll hopefully enjoy it. And if you’re one of those watchdog groups that thinks games are bad, this piece is not the place to do your research. I’m making certain claims because they’re funny, not because they’re true.

That’s right, it’s me with some more reasons MMORPGs, particularly World of Warcraft, are bad, bad, bad. Of course, you already knew that, so let’s take a look at some of the best reasons.

5) They’re addicting.
No joke. Seriously, just check out the top reason for some of the withdrawal symptoms if you don’t believe me. I have friends who play hours upon end trying to get their fix of one more epic item. They give up lots of social opportunities in order to do “one more raid” in the hopes they’ll find what they need and not have it looted by a guild mate. Or enough gold to buy what they want from whatever vendors may be available. Most people will try to turn this around into a compliment about how awesome the game is. Now you’re prepared for it so you don’t fall into the same trap.

4) They turn you into a wimp.
“Warriors are so overpowered!” Ever hear that line? It’s the line of someone who just lost PvP to a warrior. Now, in most games, you pick up your character and try again. In an MMORPG? You go onto the official forums to let the devs know that the enemy class needs to be nerfed or yours needs to be buffed… preferably both! MMORPGs are so based on stats that the way to win is to have higher stats first, more skill second. This, in turn, leads you to looking to other people (in this case, the devs) to solve your problems for you, instead of you solving them yourself (such as by getting better at the game then winning). So much for self-reliance. And all of this is without even considering the physical aspects of wimpiness from a lack of exercise. Perhaps this isn’t a good life lesson. Apparently it works in MMORPGs though… after all, they want you to be happy, so you keep playing and hand over more of your hard earned money. Speaking of which…

3) They’ll drain your account dry.
Low on money? Too bad! It’s the end of your subscription period. If you want to play more, you must renew! I bet now you wish you didn’t leave your job to play games. Now, the smart thing to do here is cancel your account and run away as fast as you can, never to return to the game. Unfortunately, you’re addicted and need your fix (see point 5). So you dig into the college fund, or the rent money, and pay your bill to keep playing. This could also lead to some unpleasant social situations, including…

2) Losing your girlfriend (or boyfriend).
Now, I know what you’re thinking. Plenty of girls play MMORPGs. This is true. Plenty of them will still ridicule you if you make any one of these MMORPGs your life’s work, particularly if it means you pay less attention to them. And girls, you don’t get off the hook either. There are plenty of guys who will leave you too if you leave them in the lurch for a game. After all, I know very few people who will tolerate “Sorry I was late for our date honey, but there was a raid I had to finish before leaving the house.” It’s far, far worse if you miss the date entirely. Also, your significant other will see all this money you put into the game and wonder why it couldn’t go towards them… perhaps to make that date a bit more interesting.

1) Lose your soul.
Seriously, people say this like it’s a joke, so I have a story for you all. I lived in a dorm at school which was heavily into gaming. About half the dorm picked up World of Warcraft at launch. We didn’t see much of them after that. Once in awhile, however, the server might be down, or the internet on campus would go down. At this point, the WoW players would leave the comfort of their computers and virtual worlds, to wander the halls with a glazed look in their eyes. Many would lament their inability to play the game at the time, and it seemed to be all they could think about. They had lost their souls to WoW and become zombies for the MMORPG.

Still not convinced playing one of these games is a bad idea? Try it out for yourself then. Just have a support group ready to bring you back from the brink when you find out how truly bad these games can be for you.

Note: Once again, in case you missed it at the top, this piece is not at all serious. Don’t take it as such, and you’ll hopefully enjoy it. And if you’re one of those watchdog groups that thinks games are bad, this piece is not the place to do your research. I’m making certain claims because they’re funny, not because they’re true.